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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25613956">Together</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosenberg/pseuds/Rosenberg'>Rosenberg</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Chernobyl (TV 2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Internalized Homophobia, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:06:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,445</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25613956</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosenberg/pseuds/Rosenberg</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Neither of them wants to fall in love, but how do you do everything right when your head and your heart disagree?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aleksandr Akimov/Leonid Toptunov</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my first ever fanfic, don't be too hard on me!</p><p>English isn't my first language, so sorry for any mistakes. Also, this isn't beta read, so all my mistakes are my own.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Leonid Toptunov was standing at the bus stop close to his apartment, waiting for the bus to take him to work at the nuclear power plant station. It was one of the last days of April and despite the weather being nice, he felt cold and miserable. He hadn’t slept much that day after his shift the previous night. He’d gotten home in a relatively good mood, tired but confident. He felt like he was finally finding his place at work, even if he still had a lot to learn, the other guys hadn’t bothered him that much in the dressing room recently and the test they’d performed a few days ago had gone well, despite their lack of preparation. He had Aleksandr Akimov to thank for that. Leonid had been terribly nervous that night, but his supervisor calmed him down and guided him through it, like he always did when Leonid was struggling.</p><p>His good mood didn’t lasting however. Leonid had just prepared himself for bed when the phone call came. It was Valeria, his ex-girlfriend. He didn’t mind talking to her, their break-up had been amicable and Leonid still cared for her. She’d moved to Kiev now so they never met up anymore, but occasionally they called each other. Valeria sounded upset, and she told Leonid her grandmother had died two days earlier. Leonid did his best to comfort her, but he didn’t think he did a very good job. When he put down the phone he felt exhausted. He went to bed but couldn’t sleep, instead he just stared at the ceiling thinking about Valeria, their time together, her parent who’d never been anything but nice to him.<br/>
Valeria and him had been together for 10 months and despite the fact that he really liked her and cared for her, he’d ended the relationship because he felt like a fraud. No matter how much Leonid liked her, he just wasn’t in love with her, because Valeria wasn’t… well, male. Leonid had known for years that he wasn’t attracted to girls, not really. No matter how hard he tried to ignore it, he couldn’t change it. Throughout his teenage years he’d succeeded in keeping his attraction to boys hidden. Girls weren’t interested in Leonid anyway, he was too skinny and weak. Then met Valeria. She was lovely and Leonid felt immediately at ease with her. His parents kept nagging him about getting married and giving them grandchildren, and he could hardly tell them he liked boys, could he? So he just figured if he’d only try hard enough with Valeria, things would work out. He’d fall in love with her and forget all about the boys he’d been attracted to. He could have a normal life and make his parents happy. But no matter how much he wanted it, it didn’t work out and in the end he broke up with Valeria. Of course she was upset, but she’d also convinced him to stay friends. Leonid felt awfully guilty. A failure, that’s what he was. Leonid wasn’t blind, of course he saw how beautiful Valeria was. But she didn’t turn him on. They’d had sex a few times, but the only way he could ever finish was by fantasizing about other men. Leonid though that Valeria somehow knew, because when he told her he wanted to break up with her, her eyes were full of understanding. They never mentioned it though.</p><p>Afterwards, Leonid hadn’t allowed himself to fall in love with anyone. He’d tried being with a girl and it didn’t work out, but he could never be with another man. Even if he’d been attracted to someone, he couldn’t take the risk of telling that person. What if he wasn’t like him? So he just closed himself off from everyone. But that didn’t stop him from feeling lonely. And lately, the walls he’d built around him had started to show some cracks. He developed feelings for someone despite his best efforts. And that someone was his supervisor, Aleksandr Akimov. Sasha.<br/>
“Call me Sasha”, he said on Leonid’s first day at work. Leonid instantly felt much more at ease with Sasha around. He liked the sound of his voice, the look in his eyes when he tried to reassure Leonid, Sasha’s hand lightly touching his shoulder, he even liked the Sasha’s smell. Leonid found himself regularly leaning in closer just to be able to smell his cologne and feel the warmth of Sasha’s body. Unconsciously at first, but it became more and more deliberate. When Sasha said Leonid’s name, he felt warm inside. A few times he had called him Lyonya, and Leonid couldn’t think of a more beautiful sound. Yes, he was in love Aleksandr Akimov, no matter how much he told himself not to be.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Leonid feels lonely and Sasha tries to comfort him</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is slightly longer then I'd planned, but I hope you'll still enjoy it</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When the bus finally stopped at the nuclear power plant, Leonid hurried towards the dressing room. When he entered most of the guys were already there. They didn’t pay him much attention though, since Aleksandr Yuvchenko was telling everyone about his new girlfriend. They all cheered and asked him all kinds of inappropriate questions. Leonid felt grateful because at least he could now change relatively unnoticed, but the conversation around him made him feel rather uncomfortable. He never understood why most men seemed to enjoy talking about women in this way. On top of that he was always afraid they’d start questioning him about a potential girlfriend, or past relationships, which meant he’d have to lie about it or avoid the topic… again. Leonid swallowed around the lump forming in his throat. Maybe it was just because he hadn’t slept much, but he felt pretty horrible today. He felt a tightness in his chest as he listened to Yuvchenko still going on about his girlfriend. Leonid wanted to be happy for him, he really did. Yuvchenko gave him a hard time sometimes, but he wasn’t a bad guy at heart. He deserved to be happy, of course he did. But didn’t he, Leonid, deserve it too? Of course he didn’t, Leonid thought bitterly, because he was a pervert after all, wasn’t he? If he was too weak to be normal, than why should he deserve to have someone? </p>
<p>Leonid quickly finished changing into his uniform. He left the locker room at the same time as Boris Stolyarchuk, his co-worker. Boris smiled at him as they walked towards the control room. Leonid did his best to smile back at him, but he couldn’t really look Boris in the eye. The lump in his throat didn’t seem to go away. He liked Boris, despite his occasional sarcasm he was generally nice and helpful. Leonid had thought about asking him to go out a few times, like friends did… Have a drink or something. But he never found the courage, because… Well, he never really had any friends. Leonid had always been bullied at school and after a while he stopped believing that he was worthy of friendship. So he never bothered anymore. </p>
<p>They reached the control room. Sasha was already there, preparing for the shift. He smiled brightly at Leonid and Boris. Leonid looked away. On most days he enjoyed Sasha’s company. Even if he knew Sasha and he would never be anything more than co-workers, just being around him warmed Leonid’s heart and made him feel better. But not today. Today he could only think about how hopeless his attraction to Sasha was. It wasn’t just hopeless, it was wrong. It was disgusting. Leonid walked to his place at the control panel, sat down in his chair and stared at the panel like it was the most fascinating thing he’d ever seen. Anything to not have to look Sasha in the eye. When he looked up slightly, he could see Boris staring at him from the corner of his eye. Sasha was jostling some papers somewhere behind him.<br/>
They heard hurried footsteps and Igor Kirschenbaum came bursting through the door. Late, as usual. As soon as Igor joined Boris at their corner of the control room Leonid could hear them talking with amused voices. They were discussing the night out they had planned later, on their day off. They hadn’t asked Leonid. Of course they hadn’t, Leonid thought. Who would want him as a friend anyway? Maybe they knew. Maybe they knew he was… like that. Maybe he hadn’t been careful enough and they’d caught him staring at Sasha. Maybe Sasha knew too, but he was too polite to let it show.</p>
<p>Leonid would just spend his day off at home, alone. He briefly thought of asking his parents over. But it was too late now, they lived too far away to make the trip on such short notice. They probably wouldn’t come anyway. He knew his mother wanted to, she often called him and said she missed him. But his father never bothered. They never did get along. Leonid had always been a disappointment to him, not what he expected from a son at all. He seemed to have some hope when Leonid was with Valeria, like he would finally do something useful and start a family. And Leonid wanted that so badly, make his father proud, make him love him… Even after everything his father had put him through. But that wasn’t going to happen. So, alone it was.<br/>
Suddenly Sasha was standing next to him, Leonid didn’t hear him approach. Sasha started talking about work, in that calm, soft voice of his. Leonid nodded a few times, but didn’t look up. He wasn’t even really listening to a word Sasha said. </p>
<p>- Leonid, don’t you think that would be best?</p>
<p>Apparently Sasha had asked him a question. He didn’t even know what he was being asked. And even if he did, he couldn’t have answered, because the lump in his throat now felt so big that he couldn’t speak. He looked down at his hands in his lap and tried to find his voice, tried to think of something to say that would make sense.</p>
<p>- Lyonya? Are you alright?</p>
<p>Leonid could feel tears stinging in his eyes and blinked rapidly to keep them from falling. He gathered all the courage he could muster, looked up at Sasha and tried to keep his face neutral.</p>
<p>- I’m sorry, Sasha, I’m just really tired. I didn’t get much sleep. Could we discuss it in a minute? </p>
<p>He could see Sasha examining his face, trying to figure out what was wrong with him. He nodded and seemed to be about to ask another question, but Leonid stood up from his chair, mumbled some apology and headed out to the men’s room. When he’d entered he stared at himself in the mirror for a few seconds. He could feel the tears he’d been holding back slipping from his eyes and flowing down his cheeks. He was about to splash some water on his face when he heard someone approaching in the hallway and he quickly locked himself into one of the stalls. He sat down on the toilet seat and kept as quiet as possible, tears still streaming down his face. He could hear someone shuffling about, then he heard a soft knock on the door.</p>
<p>- Leonid, are you in there? Are you okay?</p>
<p>It was Sasha. Of course it was Sasha. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve, and hoped his voice would sound reasonably normal.</p>
<p>- Yeah, I’m fine. Just feeling a bit off for some reason, didn’t get enough sleep. I’ll be back in a minute.</p>
<p>He heard Sasha mumble something that he couldn’t quite understand, some more shuffling, and then he heard the door of the bathroom open and close. Leonid wiped his eyes again and sighed. He had to pull himself together. There was no use in feeling sorry for himself. What was wrong with him? This was just pathetic. He flushed the toilet just for show, got out of the stall and splashed some water in his face at the sink. He looked at himself in the mirror and almost started crying again. But he swallowed it back, opened the door and bumped right into Sasha, who apparently had been waiting outside the men’s room. Leonid just stared at him for a moment, and Sasha stared back. Then Sasha grabbed him by his shoulder and gently pushed him back inside. Leonid could feel the warmth of his hand on his shoulder even after Sasha had removed it.</p>
<p>- Lyonya, you look awful. What’s up?<br/>
- Nothing, I… I’m just tired. I’m sorry, I’ll pay more attention. I know I can’t afford any mistakes.<br/>
- Never mind that, it’s you I’m worried about. Look, you don’t have to tell me what’s wrong if you don’t want to. Just don’t lie to me, okay? I know you’re not just tired.</p>
<p>Leonid nodded and started biting his lower lip. He wanted to talk to Sasha, even though he wasn’t even sure himself what was going on. And how could Sasha ever understand him if he didn’t understand himself? And besides, he could hardly tell Sasha the truth. If he found out Leonid was… like that, he’d want nothing to do with him. He was the closest thing Leonid had to a friend, and he couldn’t risk losing him. While all of these things were going through his mind, Sasha looked at him with concern. He carefully put a hand on Leonid’s arm, pulled him closer and put his arms around him.<br/>

Leonid’s first instinct was to pull out of his embrace. This wasn’t right, he shouldn’t do this, he had to stop him… But he couldn’t. He could feel himself melting into Sasha’s embrace, he put his arms around his supervisor and his head on his shoulder. And suddenly he couldn’t stop himself, he buried his head in the crook of Sasha’s neck and started crying again, sobbing a little. He felt pathetic but at the same time he felt safe, protected, with those strong arms around him and Sasha softly stroking his back. He mumbled some apologies into his Sasha’s shoulder and realized he had to pull himself together. Igor and Boris were undoubtedly wondering where they were, and what if they got the wrong idea? Leonid slowly pulled out of Sasha’s arms and stepped back. Sasha was still looking at him with concern. Suddenly he felt the need to tell him everything that was weighing on his mind, but he knew there was no way he could ever do that. Sasha smiled softly at him.</p>
<p>- Why don’t you freshen up a bit, and then come back to the control room. Will you be okay?<br/>
- Yeah, I think so. Thank you Sasha.<br/>
- Lyonya, I… Would you…</p>
<p>Leonid stared at Sasha, surprised by the sudden hesitation in his voice. Sasha was always calm, he never spoke before he’d collected his thoughts. But now it seemed like he had no idea what to say, and was that a slight blush on his cheeks? </p>
<p>- Would you like to go out with me tonight? I mean, have a drink. In a bar. Or something. If you want to.</p>
<p>That was definitely a blush on his cheeks, and he was actually tripping over his words. Leonid didn’t know what to say. Part of him wanted to say yes immediately. Yes, of course he wanted to have a drink with him. Anywhere. As long as he could be close to him. He’d go anywhere with Sasha. But another part of him was terrified. He shouldn’t do this, shouldn’t let himself get so close to Sasha, encourage his own feelings. He could feel the hope flaring in his chest and he desperately told himself to stop it. He’d only get hurt. Sasha was just feeling sorry for him, wanted to make him feel better because he cared about him as a co-worker. Maybe as a friend, if he was lucky. But never that. And what if he noticed that Leonid had feelings for him? He’d never talk to him again. They could never work together again.<br/>
He realized he hadn’t answered yet and the silence was dragging on and on, he could see it was making Sasha uncomfortable. And then he heard himself answer.</p>
<p>- Yeah… Yes, that would be nice.<br/>
- Great, we can arrange the details on the bus home. I should get back to the control room, I’ll see you in a minute, right? Will you be alright?</p>
<p>Leonid nodded and watched Sasha as he turned on his feet and left the men’s room. The small but still concerned smile he gave Leonid when he left made him feel warm inside. Leonid splashed some water onto his face until he though he looked presentable and walked back to the control room through the hallway. In his mind he could still see Sasha’s smile as he left, and Leonid smiled back at him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Leonid and Sasha enjoy an evening together. It doesn't end as Leonid expected</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Again, this is longer than I thought it would be. There's also more smut than I'd planned to write.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next evening Leonid met up with Sasha in front of his apartment block, as they’d agreed, to walk to the bar together. He was feeling rather nervous. Of course he’d occasionally met up with some other students when he was at university, although he was too busy studying most of the time. The others had made fun of him for that. It felt ages ago. And this was different. This was Aleksandr Akimov, his supervisor, and his friend, maybe. Who liked him enough  to spend some time with him outside of work.</p>
<p>Sasha greeted him with a genuine smile and a soft squeeze to his arm. Leonid felt his heart jump into his throat and he felt annoyed with himself. He’d have to get himself together if he wanted to spend an entire evening in Sasha’s company without making a fool of himself. Maybe this was a bad idea after all. But Sasha didn’t seem to think so, in fact he was quite cheerful while they were walking to the bar. He was telling Leonid about his sister and her wedding plans, laughing a bit at how nervous she was. Leonid was more than content listening to him, mainly because it meant he didn’t have to talk himself and this way his voice couldn’t give away how nervous he was, but also because he enjoyed listening to Sasha, no matter what he was talking about. But he wondered why Sasha was this talkative all of a sudden, when usually he was a man of few words, and rather reserved. Suddenly it dawned on Leonid that maybe Sasha was nervous too… <br/>Before he could think about it any longer, they arrived at the bar and entered. It wasn’t too busy, it was the middle of the week after all. They chose a table in a corner far away from the door, and Sasha went to get the first drinks. While Sasha was standing at the bar, Leonid was staring at his back and bit his bottom lip. Why couldn’t he just relax? Talking to Sasha had never been awkward at work, although, he had to admit, they usually just talked about work. He bit his lip a bit harder and told himself he could do this. He wasn’t an idiot after all, he could have a normal conversation with a co-worker, for God’s sake.</p>
<p>Sasha came back with the drinks. Leonid stretched his arm to take his beer from Sasha’s hand and when he grabbed the glass, his fingers touched Sasha’s for a brief moment. Leonid felt like he should pull away as fast as possible, but instead lingered for just a split second, and he felt that Sasha do the same. When his supervisor sat down he stared at his beer for a moment, before looking back up at Leonid. It was like he was searching for something on Leonid’s face, and Leonid couldn’t have looked away even if he wanted to. He got lost in Sasha’s eyes for a moment until his supervisor broke the silence.</p>
<p>- So… Got any plans for May 1?<br/>- Not really. I’ll just watch the parade and enjoy my day off. You?<br/>- My parents asked me to come over to the capital to watch the parade there, but I probably won’t go. <br/>- Won’t they mind?<br/>- Nah, and even if they do, they won’t let it show. I’d rather avoid their questions anyway.<br/>- Questions?<br/>- If I haven’t found a nice girl to marry yet. They desperately want me to pass on the family name. Although my sister getting married has diverted their attention somewhat for now. But I know they want to be able to be proud of me too.<br/>- Well, they should be proud of you. It’s not like you haven’t achieved anything in life. You’ve got a good job, you’re even a supervisor…</p>
<p>Sasha just shrugged and smiled sadly at him. Leonid could see he wanted to change the subject, but for some reason he just couldn’t let it go.</p>
<p>- You’ll find the right girl, Sasha, I’m sure of it. <br/>- Maybe, I don’t know… So what about you? There must be girls who are interested in you. You’ve got a job at a nuclear power plant to brag about now, and a handsome young man like you…</p>
<p>Suddenly Sasha’s cheeks burned bright red and he turned his head to look at the door, as if the people coming in were the most interesting phenomenon he had ever seen. Leonid felt himself starting to blush too, and tried to find another topic of conversation, but couldn’t think of one. Instead he just stared at his own hands wrapped around his glass. The silence dragged on but somehow became less awkward and more comfortable. He looked up at Sasha and noticed he was studying him.</p>
<p>- Leonid… I know I’m your supervisor, but I like to think I’m also your friend, and… You know you can talk to me, right? If anything is wrong, I mean.</p>
<p>Leonid couldn’t help but smile at the statement that Sasha was his friend, but at the same time he felt the heavy feeling from earlier return. He wanted to tell Sasha how he felt so badly, but he didn’t even understand himself, and what if Sasha thought he was weak and pathetic? </p>
<p>- Do you ever feel like you’re invisible to everyone, Sasha? Like you could just die, or disappear, and people would barely notice? <br/>- I’m… Is that how feel, Lyonya?</p>
<p>He realized that he should probably stop talking now, he’d just get upset, maybe he’d even start crying again, and what would Sasha think then? What would everyone here think? But he just couldn’t stop himself anymore.</p>
<p>- It doesn’t make a difference if I’m here or not, does it? I make no difference at all. To anyone. I just wish… I just wish someone would see me, for once. Actually see me. I want someone to… I don’t know, need me, or something. I can’t even remember what it feels like to be needed, maybe I’ve never been needed at all. Does that make me a bad person, Sasha? A weak person? </p>
<p>Leonid knew he was rambling now, but still he couldn’t stop talking. Until he felt Sasha’s hand on his own. It was only for a second, then he pulled away, but it was enough to make him look up. He felt tears stinging in his eyes and suddenly the bar felt much too crowded, it was too hot and he just wanted to get out. Sasha seemed to notice.</p>
<p>- Do you want to leave, Lyonya? We could go somewhere more quiet, if you like.</p>
<p>He just nodded and got out of his chair, and made his way out of the bar as fast as he could with Sasha right behind him. Once outside he took a deep breath and enjoyed the cold breeze on his heated cheeks. He felt Sasha’s hand on his back. They were standing close together now, and Leonid felt the urge to lean closer, to put his head on Sasha’s shoulder, to inhale his scent, but he knew he couldn’t. So they just stood there as Leonid sucked the air into his lungs. </p>
<p>- Do you want to go to my apartment? It’s still early and it would be a quieter place to talk. Unless you’d just like to go home.<br/>- Your apartment is fine, Sasha.</p>
<p>As they walked together Leonid wondered if he’d made a mistake saying yes, but at this moment he wanted nothing more than Sasha’s company. They walked in silence and the closer they got to Sasha’s apartment block, the smaller the distance between them seemed to get. They were now walking close together, arms touching, and it felt more natural than anything Leonid had ever experienced before. </p>
<p>As the elevator took them to Sasha’s floor Leonid stood closer to his supervisor than strictly necessary, but Sasha didn’t step away. Instead he touched Leonid’s arm and gave him a reassuring smile. Once inside Sasha ushered him to sit down on the sofa so Leonid obeyed, at the same time looking around the apartment. It was bigger than his own, and also much better decorated. He hadn’t bothered much with his own apartment, it was so small and for some reason he’d never truly felt at home there. </p>
<p>Sasha offered him some vodka and the idea to get drunk, or maybe not drunk, but at least tipsy suddenly sounded very appealing. Maybe it would make him feel better. Deep down he knew it wouldn’t but he could try, right? Sasha sat down next to him with a bottle of vodka and two glasses. Leonid didn’t feel like bringing up the topic of his own feelings of loneliness again, and Sasha didn’t ask. So they just talked about other topics, about their interests and families and about work, sometimes laughing out loud. Leonid felt more relaxed than he had been for ages. He was also terribly warm. It’s probably the vodka, he thought. </p>
<p>- So how often do you see your parents, Lyonya?</p>
<p>The heavy feeling was back all of a sudden, and Leonid just shrugged and looked down into his now empty glass. He wanted to grab the bottle from the coffee table to pour himself some more vodka, but Sasha clutched his wrist. The gesture startled Leonid and he wanted to pull away, but the grip of his supervisor was stronger than he expected. He still refused to look up.<br/>They sat like that for a few seconds, then Sasha let go of his wrist and wrapped him into a hug. </p>
<p>- I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought that up.</p>
<p>Sasha was whispering into his ear. Leonid put his arms around Sasha’s waist and let himself be held. One of Sasha’s hands traveled up to the back of his head, softly stroking his hair and then touching the nape of his neck.</p>
<p>- What you said earlier… You’re not invisible to me, Lyonya.</p>
<p>Leonid didn’t know how to respond to that, but he pushed his nose to Sasha’s neck and softly inhaled his scent. Sasha’s hand was still on his neck, now scratching lightly, and it made Leonid shiver. He felt Sasha’s lips and mustache touch his ear again, and then slowly sliding down, over his cheek. He could smell the vodka on Sasha’s breath, but it didn’t bother him. In fact, he’d had quite some vodka himself. He looked at Sasha, and what he saw in his eyes made his heart beat faster. Sasha was looking at him with hope and lust in his eyes. He started stroking Leonid’s cheek with his thumb. Before Leonid could gather his thoughts, Sasha leant forward and pushed his lips to Leonid’s. Leonid didn’t hesitate and kissed him back, impatient and maybe a bit too forceful, but it was like he couldn’t control himself anymore. He wanted Sasha, and in that moment nothing could have stopped him.</p>
<p>He teased Sasha’s lips with his tongue and found no resistance whatsoever when he tried to push  a little further. Soon they were exploring each other’s mouths as if the rest of the world didn’t even exist anymore. At some point Sasha overbalanced somewhat and nearly landed on top of Leonid. He mumbled something about the vodka, but Leonid couldn’t quite catch what he said. He was too busy touching Sasha everywhere. He raked his fingers through Sasha’s hair, touched his neck and shoulders, stroked down his back until he reached the belt of his trousers. Sasha held on to Leonid as if he was afraid he’d run away. When he carefully lifted Sasha’s shirt and stroked the skin of his lower back, Sasha moaned into his mouth and pushed his hips forward. This spurred Leonid on even more. He wanted to feel more of him, touch him everywhere, feel his skin under his fingers. At the same time he could feel a tiny bit of panic rising in a corner of his mind when he felt Sasha’s erection pressed to his upper leg. He broke the kiss to catch his breath and pressed his nose to Sasha’s neck again.</p>
<p>-I’ve never done this before… with a man.</p>
<p>Sasha didn’t reply at first, pressing a kiss to his forehead</p>
<p>- Do you want to stop, Lyonya?</p>
<p>Leonid shook his head and bit Sasha’s neck, suddenly feeling confident again. </p>
<p>- No, but I want… Could we do this… In your bed?</p>
<p>He didn’t even know why he said it, but Sasha nodded. He gently bit Leonid’s ear before standing up from the sofa and walking towards his bedroom. Leonid followed in his footsteps, feeling a bit lightheaded and unsteady on his feet. Must be the vodka, he thought. Or maybe it was just the effect Sasha was having on him. </p>
<p>When they reached the bedroom Sasha didn’t seem sure what to do. Leonid on the other hand was feeling more confident with every passing second. He gently pushed Sasha onto the bed and climbed on top of him, looking down at him for a moment before leaning down to kiss him again with even more passion than before. At the same time he started undoing the buttons on Sasha’s shirt. He was fumbling a bit, but in the end it didn’t take him too long to unbutton all of them. He straightened up and looked at Sasha, touching him everywhere on his chest and belly, caressing him, and he bit his lower lip. He realized Sasha still had his glasses on. He removed them carefully and put them on the bedside table. Seeing his supervisor without his glasses made him smile. Sasha seemed a little embarrassed. Leonid hardly noticed, all he could think about was how badly he wanted Sasha to touch him. And how badly he wanted to touch Sasha. </p>
<p>He leant forward again and kissed Sasha’s right nipple. When Sasha moaned at that and pushed into Leonid again, he started licking the nipple and gently bit down on it. Sasha moaned a bit louder this time, and he grabbed Leonid’s buttocks. Leonid bucked forward and accidentally bit Sasha’s nipple harder than he’d intended, but his supervisor didn’t seem to mind in the least. He grabbed Leonid by the shoulders and rolled him over, so that he was on top. He knelt over Leonid and started removing Leonid’s sweater and t-shirt without hesitation. At this point Leonid couldn’t think straight. He pulled off Sasha’s shirt completely, then started undoing his belt and pulled down his trousers. He looked at Sasha’s briefs, stained with precum, and without thinking he put his hands over his cock and stroked him through his briefs. He could feel how hard he was, and he himself was hard too. Sasha started bucking forward again, pushing his cock to Leonid’s hand. </p>
<p>- Lyonya… Oh God…<br/>- Sasha… Sasha, I want you. All of you.</p>
<p>He started stroking Sasha through his briefs with more intent, his moans getting louder. He could feel the shape of Sasha’s cock very clearly now, and when the thought popped into his head, he spoke without thinking.</p>
<p>- I want you inside me, Sasha. Please.</p>
<p>Sasha froze and stared at him with surprise on his face, maybe even shock, but Leonid could feel his cock twitch in his hand and that was good, right? He wanted it too. </p>
<p>- Are you sure? You just said you’ve never been with a man before. <br/>- I’m sure. I want to feel you inside me. Please, Sasha.</p>
<p>Sasha still seemed hesitant when he stroked Leonid’s belly and started kissing him right above his waistband, but apparently was convinced by Leonid’s moans and the way he pushed himself against Sasha, rubbing his groin against Sasha’s chest. He began undoing Leonid’s belt, pulling his trousers down a bit and kissing him just above his briefs. Then he kissed his cock through his briefs, pulled down his trousers and looked at Leonid, as if to check he was still on board with the idea. Leonid was watching Sasha between his legs, breathless and unable to speak, as he started kissing his inner thighs and removed his briefs, leaving him completely naked. In that moment he didn’t feel any shame about how thin he was, how unmanly, he didn’t think of any of the names his classmates used to call him or the insults his father sometimes threw at him. It was just him and Sasha. He wanted Sasha, and Sasha wanted him.</p>
<p>He watched as Sasha pulled a pot of vaseline from his bedside table. Leonid wondered if he’d slept with other men before, here, in this bed, but he pushed the thought from his mind. <br/>He stroked Sasha’s chest while his supervisor put some vaseline on his fingers and gently pushed Leonid’s legs open so he he could reach his entrance. The vaseline felt a little cold and Sasha’s finger circling his entrance felt very strange. Leonid closed his eyes and grabbed the side of the mattress while Sasha slowly pushed his finger inside. He groaned softly, not sure if it was pleasure or pain he was feeling. As Sasha pushed deeper it felt a little painful, but at the same time he wanted more of it. He pushed his hips towards Sasha’s hand and started moving back and forth. This felt good, really good actually. He moaned and grabbed the mattress a little tighter, still unable to open his eyes. A second finger was pushing in now, and after a few moments, when he’d gotten used to it, it felt even better. </p>
<p>- Oh my god, Sasha. </p>
<p>He opened his eyes and saw Sasha looking at him with wide eyes, cheeks bright red, mouth a little open, and the sight turned Leonid on even more. He starting pushing himself towards Sasha’s hand again, moaning every time he felt the fingers going in deeper. </p>
<p>- Take me, Sasha. I’m yours, fuck me.</p>
<p>He stroked Sasha’s hips, removed his briefs that were now completely wet with precum, and started jerking him off slowly before he put his arms around Sasha’s neck, pulling him towards him for a ravenous kiss. At the same time he bucked his hips towards Sasha, hoping he would take the hint.</p>
<p>- How do you want to do it? Like this or…?<br/>- I don’t care, just fuck me Sasha. </p>
<p>Sasha positioned himself between Leonid’s legs, moved them both a little to make it more comfortable and slowly pushed inside Leonid. He grabbed Sasha’s shoulders and squeezed so hard it might leave bruises. He couldn’t breath while Sasha pushed further and further inside him. But slowly he started to relax, and then it was the best feeling ever. Still painful, but also really, really good. Sasha was all the way in, and gently rocked his hips to let Leonid get used to the feeling. Then he started thrusting, and Leonid dug his nails into Sasha’s back. He almost screamed when Sasha pushed all the way back inside.</p>
<p>- Don’t stop, Sasha. Don’t ever stop.<br/>- You feel so good. You’re perfect. Oh god, I don’t think I can last long.</p>
<p>He kept thrusting deep, but slowly.</p>
<p>- Harder, Sasha. Just fuck me harder, please.</p>
<p>He bucked his hips towards Sasha. Sasha kissed him like he was starving for him, then pushed his face against Leonid’s neck and started to thrust harder and faster, moaning Leonid’s name every time he pushed deep inside him. Leonid kept pushing towards him while grabbing Sasha’s hips as if he was trying to help his movements. The feel of Sasha’s hips moving under his hands with every thrust turned him on even more and he moaned again and again. Suddenly Sasha bit hard on Leonid’s shoulder. </p>
<p>- Lyonya… Lyonya, I’m gonna come.</p>
<p>He pushed inside him a few more times before he went rigid, and Leonid could feel him spilling his load inside him. He held Sasha while his body was still twitching and thought he was going to come from that feeling alone. Sasha collapsed on top of him and stayed there for a few moments before rolling off him, sweaty and exhausted. Leonid took his own cock in his hand and brought himself to orgasm with just a few rough strokes.</p>
<p>They lay next to each other, trying to catch their breaths. Leonid turned towards Sasha and started stroking his chest. He’d never felt better in his entire life. Until Sasha looked at him and what he saw wasn’t what he expected. Sasha’s eyes were filled with fear, and something else that Leonid couldn’t name. He wanted to say something, but before he got the chance Sasha spoke.</p>
<p>- Maybe it’s best if you go now. It’s late.<br/>- But I… <br/>- Please, Leonid. This wasn’t… I shouldn’t have… You should go home.</p>
<p>He desperately wanted to say something, ask for an explanation, anything, but his mind seemed to stop working. He stood up, suddenly feeling ashamed and ridiculous. He’d ruined it again, hadn’t he? He cleaned himself up a bit, then grabbed his clothes from the floor and from the bed, got dressed as quickly as he could, took all his stuff with him and walked out the door, down the stairs and onto the street. He didn’t look back at Sasha, not once. If he had, he would’ve seen the tears on Sasha’s face. </p>
<p>He stood in front of the apartment block, feeling cold and miserable and used. He couldn’t wrap his head around what just happened. It was his first time with a man, the first time he actually really wanted someone. He thought Sasha wanted him too, but it was probably just the alcohol. Now he was disgusted with Leonid. He couldn’t ever face him again. He made his way to his own apartment on foot, stumbled up the stairs and closed the door behind him. Once inside he sank to the floor and started crying.</p>
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